so about 3 weeks ago we found out that Kati was pregnant. what a happy time. we had the misfortune of a miscarriage in January and didnt know when we would be able to get pregnant again. we were thrilled at the prospect of being parents. we both want to be parents more than anything in the world. i can not wait to see kati with our kids. she is going to be such a great mom. this time we were a little more cautious in the amount of people we told. kati was much more ill this time around than in january and so we thought that was a good sign that we would get to keep the baby. so we set up an appointment to meet with our doctor this past monday. we get there and he does a brief exam of kati and says that everything looks to be right on track. he used a radio thing to try and hear the heart beat but couldnt find it. he said that we were still really early and that it was normal not to hear it. before the appointment both kati and i agreed that we would ask for an ultrasound if the doctor did not offer to do one. doctor dinger left to get some last minute paper work and when he returned he offered to do the ultrasound for our peace of mind. we were scheduled to get it done at 140 and so we went to lunch and ran a couple errands before the ultrasound. we arrive at the clinic and we go back to the exam room, and the ultrasound technician begins to do the ultrasound. she is very quiet and doesnt say anything through the whole thing. she took a lot of pictures and probed and prodded kati. we knew then that something was wrong. why didnt she tell us to look at our baby? why didnt she show us the heartbeat? after waiting for a few minutes she told us that we needed to go back to doctor dingers office to talk about the ultrasound. when we arrived back at his office he took us to the back and confirmed our fears. the pregnancy was tubal, meaning that the fertilized egg had implanted in katis fallopian tube instead of her uterus. doctor dinger was very kind about it and said that it wasnt fair, but he was straight forward in telling us that the pregnancy had to be removed. the surgery was scheduled for tuesday afternoon at 1 pm. we left devastated wondering why. this would be two pregnancies in less than 6 months that we have lost. we came home and cried and tried to console each other. we at dinner with the family and played some card games to try and take our mind off of the fact that tomorrow we were going to lose our baby. at about 1115 we came downstairs to get ready for bed and kati got up to use the restroom and suddenly could not move due to the pain she felt. she called me over to hold her and try and comfort her. upon looking at her closely i knew that something was really wrong. she had a green tint to her skin and she was very pale. i helped her to the bed and ran upstairs to get kent to give her a blessing. when we returned downstairs kati was not very lucid. she was staring around the room and was very clammy to the touch. we gave her a blessing and as soon as it was over kati passed out due to pain. she came to in about 5 seconds or so. we rushed her to alta view hospital. as we arrived there the people working in the ER seemed to not be in any hurry to help her. they were very cold in their approach and did not posses very good people skills. they sent for an ultrasound tech to come do another ultrasound to see what was causing all the pain. if i never meet this woman again, i will be a happy person. she was the most rude, inconsiderate person i have ever met. she kept poking kati trying to see what was wrong, all the while kati was bawling it hurt so bad. at this point the surgeon came in and stopped the ultrasound stating that they needed to take her to surgery right then. so kati was taken to the OR and there had her left fallopian tube, along with our baby, taken out. how devastating. i was so worried for kati and her health. after about an hour doctor tanner came out and said that everything went well and that kati was in the recovery room. every single person that we dealt with outside of the ER was very compassionate and considerate of our feelings. they were kind as could be. after about 35 minutes in recovery kati was ready to go to her room. ironically and unintentionally cruel, her room was in the middle of the maternity ward. how hard that was to walk past all those new born babies and the pictures of the babies on the wall, after losing our second pregnancy of the year. the nurses were so kind to us. each one telling to have hope for the future.

one might ask where the hand of god is all of this. the chain of events that led to this, have the hand of god stamped all over it. from the doctor to suggesting we get an ultrasound, to kent helping me give kati a blessing, to my mom coming to stay the night with us in the hospital, to the kind hearted nurses, to a loving family to the kindness of our ward members. as horrible an experience this has been, there have been so many blessings poured out towards kati and myself. the greatest of all the blessings is katis health. i am so grateful to a loving heavenly father that he has spared her life a little longer and that she will make a full recovery. what a tender mercy.

that saying might be true afterall............the third time might just be the charm!!!!

Why?

As Kati and I were driving home tonight, I had the thought of why i put myself down as much as I do? Now please dont take this as me being prideful or boastful, but I do not think I am such a bad person. I try to do what is right and when i am able to i do my best to help people. there is so much that i need to work on and get better at but I am so blessed and have every reason to be happy. I am married to the most amazing woman. She doesnt see herself that way but i do. She is funny, smart, absolutely gorgeous, talented in so many ways, creative, and best of all she is my best friend. I have an awesome family. we may be a little nuts but we are nuts together. i have an unwavering testimony of the church. I am sealed to kati for eternity. i have a great set of in laws. i have a job. it may be a job that i dont care for but i am not unemployed. i am able to attend school. i have my health. i live in a country that is, for the most part, free.
i see this as being touched by the hand of God in making me see all that is good in my life and not really give too much weight to those things that do not matter all that much. I am going to do my best to get better and seeing what is good and not focus so much on the negative that is in my life.

Made in the image of God

Just a quick post here. i was walking through the halls of school today and had the thought that although each and every person i passed looked different and had different interests and hobbies that every single person had some form of God in them. We are all his children and loves every single person on the earth. how awesome it is to know that!

They shall come running!!!!!

Today, like I have for 4 days a week since the beginning of the semester, have the privelege of seeing the hand of God 5 times on my way to and from school. Living in Utah, we are blessed to have so many temples nearby. There are two in one city that we can see from our street. I can see another from the front window of our home. And we pass two others on the way to school. So every time we drive to school I ALWAYS look to see where the temples are. Well this evening we were able to go to the Draper Temple to do sealings for our stake conference coming up this week. What a great turn out. We had 144 people there. Our sealer was fantastic. He was excellent at explaining to us different aspects of the sealing ceremony. He related a story of a 3 year old little girl that was sealed to her parents recently. She was adopted and her mom had told her over and over again that after one year she would be able to be sealed to them and that she would be theirs forever and ever. Well the day came and they go to the sealing room and when our sealer asked the parents to come to the altar and then asked this little girl to come join them, she pushed the temple worker aside and ran to the altar and slammed he hands down. The sealer related this story to the little girls(and boys for that matter) that have been waiting for years and years for us to do the work for them that they cannot do for themselves. The picture of that in my head will stick with me for ever. Any time I do work in the temple I will always picture that person running for the chance to have the work done for them. So today, the hand of God was evident in the sealing power of the priesthood. How awesome it is to know that our Heavenly Father has allowed us to be with our families for eternities, not just this life. I am so thankful that I have been sealed to my sweet wife and that if we stay true to our covenants that our relationship with last through eternity and not just this short journey we are on through mortal life. I am thankful for that sealer who felt it necessary to share the meanings and promises of the sealing.

I would like to share an experience that happened today. Our bishop asked our ward to fast today for those in our ward boundries that are hurting financially, emotionally, or spirtually. Unfortunatly Kati and I forgot all about it. Anyways, our home teacher came today and shared a message that was directed for us. He and his wife had thought a lot about what the bishop asked us to do and had done it and he shared a passage in 3 Nephi 27 about the Apostles, after they had left the presence of Christ, how they united themselves in fasting and prayer. As they did this Christ appeared to them and ministered unto them. The way our home teacher explained this made complete sense to us. As we have gone through the trials of the last couple weeks, we have seen the hand of God in our lives EVERY day. I have never been on the receiving end of so many prayers and fasting. It is amazing the power that comes from a united prayer and fast among a group of people. Thank you to all our family members and friends that have pleaded with the Lord in our behalf. We appreciate and are forever grateful for your faith and support.